AGE OF AQUARIUS

I just ended a particularly uncomfortable conversation with someone I love. The gist of our disagreement centered around emotions and sensitivity. They stated feeling "tired of the bullshit" and that everyone is just too sensitive nowadays and caught up in how things hurt their feelings. As an incredibly sensitive human it got me questioning...might we be moving into an era of feeling? I was raised by a generation of "be strong" and "pull yourself up." There wasn't a lot of space or understanding of the wide range of emotions that I would experience on any given day. I think this might be a fairly common trait in the parenting style of a lot of boomers, having been raised by their parents who had come out of the Great Depression it makes sense that they would have adopted this mindset. And then we, their children, show up with generational trauma, a lot of feelings, and a need to express ourselves to parents who don't know how to digest all this emotionality. I don't think it's by accident that at the same time mindfulness and the practices associated with mindfulness began to spread like wildfire as this new, emotional generation grew up and out. Then we began having children and equipping them with language regarding emotions and the importance of feeling and expressing because...well...therapy. So maybe, there is a shift happening that creates a little more space for the full range of the human experience. If I've learned anything as a super sensitive human it's that we are subject to all of the emotions on any given day and they are all valid and all worth feeling. The complication arises when either we aren't given the space to experience them and they get buried in the tissues to arrive at a later date or we over-identify with them and absorb one emotion as our identity.

I remember being incredibly angry when I was younger. From about eleven until my adult years I was constantly battling various degrees of anger and rage. I was constantly asked "what was wrong with me" and told stories of how even as a tiny baby I was prone to fits interpreted as rage. Always this theme....something was wrong with me. So I learned which parts of myself were safe to share and the others were fragmented off deemed too unsafe to express to the world. It wasn't until I was in my late twenties and on the verge of what felt like a psychotic break that I finally found a therapist who was able to bring language to the multitude of emotions that were unraveling inside of me. We began to explore my feelings of anger and rage and soon discovered that anger was a mask emotion. I determined somewhere early in life that anger was the acceptable emotion in my situation and it became the face of every other emotion I was experiencing. I learned that when I was angry I would be heard and validated, even if incorrectly, and this became my continual point of reference. As I worked with this particular therapist I began to look behind the anger when it would arise and give a name and validation to the actual emotion that was behind the mask.

Fast forward to a failed relationship and the poking of deeply buried wounds and the resurfacing of rage. This time I found a therapist who was able to aid me in taking a deeper dive into my anger all the way back to it's original identification and take over. Our work together was very body-centered which led to my understanding and awareness of how my body had stored all the unprocessed words, fears, stories, and emotions that were never given the opportunity to rise to the surface. Here I met my deepest unmet need that led the charge in my child brain to fraction off parts of myself and respond to the world in the way she deemed safe. And so, here I am today, triggered by this conversation and back to that original unmet need. Yet this time, equipped with practices and language, I am able to recognize and allow the emotions to rise to the surface to move up and out. So I ask, are we moving into the era of feeling? And is that such a bad thing? Imagine a world in which we were all given the space to experience and feel through what comes to the surface along with practices and language to process and grow that emotion into a more compassionate, socially active consciousness. So many of us were taught that tightening the grip around our feelings and our expression of them makes us strong, yet as I get older and allow myself to lean into my own sensitivity I see that it's actually our willingness to be soft and vulnerable that makes us strong. This is the nectar of the warrior spirit.

The conversation triggered me. It brought resistance in my body, my words, and my mind. And then I allowed it all. In doing so it inspired me to write, to share, and to drop into my body to unlock what wanted to bind. Below is a short practice I offered myself this morning to release the physical reactivity of my body to my emotional experience. It also happens to be a really nice practice for anyone who spends a lot of time on the computer or in a rounded position with the shoulders drawn forward: a position our body will naturally hold to protect the heart and our emotional space. You will need two blocks to practice, though you might be able to use a rolled up towel and get a similar effect. Enjoy! Leave me a message and share your experience in this world of feeling. And know that wherever you are on the journey....you are loved and seen and heard. All ways.